Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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