I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Randomize
