That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
