yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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