I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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