when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
