Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
