Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
