I didn't shave. On purpose
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
