toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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