The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
