we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
