stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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