the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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