Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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