I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
How's work?
Spinning.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
