Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
