great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
