yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
