It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
the night ended with taco bell and tears
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
