If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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