Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
