I'm gonna have a badass scar
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
