Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Randomize