i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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