i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Princesses don't give blow jobs
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
