Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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