No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
