shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
