some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
