It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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