my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
