no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
