good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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