he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Randomize
