God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
