god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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