I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
