you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
