Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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