Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
