Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
