yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
