some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
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