Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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