nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
