Pappa wants mamma naked
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
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