Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
