I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
