And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
