Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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