I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
