so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Randomize
