i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
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