I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
