Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
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