I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
