Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I am spending my child support on dildos
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
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