At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
