Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
