When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
