I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
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