I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
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