as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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