I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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