Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
