a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Randomize
