I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
