tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
