38 yer olds are good kisserssss
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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