But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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