your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
