I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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