If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
