Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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