Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
