I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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