Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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