whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
the condom got lost in my hair
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
