how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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