I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Man, jail baloney is awful.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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