Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
This house was built for laser tag.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
