Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
