oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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