I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
dude. I can hear the air.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
