Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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