he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
