I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
