if you like me you must not know who I am
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
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