Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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