For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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