Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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