i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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