That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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