Quick, to the slutcave!
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize