I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
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