the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
