My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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