A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
