nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
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