I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize