best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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