god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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