One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
