Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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