He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
